Reversal

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 I long to go back, tear amidst the heavy shadows, to hold the hand of the child stuck in a pit of oblivion. I long to grab her, and hold her, embrace her with soothing whispers of "you'll be fine." She is still standing there, all the while I grew, but there was never enough time to take her with me, to nurture her so that she grew along with my independence. Instead, I had leave her there, in the cold and the dark, to battle storms that I could never shield her from. A lonely child, with weeping eyes and fear- stained hands, she is battered.

While a body grew around her, and took the shape of a human molded by scars, she remained tiny and frail, unloved, unable to trust, with no desire to be brave. I hear her weep before I tear the last shadow and then I see her. I am so happy but she's mad at me and as she turns away angrily to avoid my gaze and touch, I see every scar bleeding from her back.

I dash to her side and go down on my knees and hug the child that I once was. There, I mourn and I beg her to forgive me because no one taught me how to love her. She pushes me away but this time, not in anger but with sadness and regret. I settle in closer and hug her tightly, for this time, I was prepared to never let go. 

Clinging to the child in me, I make so many promises. I assure her that this time we will grow together and I will never again leave her behind. The child smiles and returns the embrace and as her tears dry up, mine suddenly begins to gush. Inconsolable. She wipes them softly and tells me, "I never left you, I was just waiting for you to find yourself so you can find me." With glistening cheeks and shuddering shoulders, I whisper, "thank you, my inner child."


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