What Did I Learn?

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You had told me in a million different, voiceless ways that you did not want me, I was just never attuned. You see, love and stupidity have been known to tango and they twirl a haphazard dance. Under the blinding lights that disguised your ugliness, I got swept, wickedly lost in your embrace. The demon kind of love you made further exacerbated my falling, and all it did was made me come, like really come, breathless and hot, resembling where you came from....hell.....even convulsing at its end. And now, I have to learn not to hate you, but rather take you and shape you into lessons I must learn, I guess the whip comes first, the educating comes after.

Hard I fell and made a gaping hole out of my existence while you mocked me as you moved along.  So easily too, damn it, "I should have seen it coming".....but no...none of this dangerous self-talk, instead "what should I learn?" Watching you play your game brought seething resentment. Your manipulation felt like safety because I never knew what it was like to feel safe, damn my parents while I am at it too. Your lies tasted like honey, and I had never known its sweetness, it was always an expensive taste. Your embrace made me dependent; I had been strong and independent for way too long.

You sought out my vulnerabilities and made me your slave, you came, and you conquered, I would think you and Columbus were brothers. Master thief, "I hate you," but, no.....none of that hate talk, "what can I learn?" The Oscars were named after you because what a show, what an acting giant, what a cunning silhouette you are. And yet, the pain you dealt me carried a resounding applause, no act here, that's for sure. Real eyes with real cries and a heart that has learned to see through every disguise. "I hate you," no....none of that....you know what, fuck it, some part of that is true!

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