The Jealous Monger

There's a tale that sweeps through Amy's heart; dragging the bitter, heavy memories and spreading them hopelessly across the path she walks. It is the tale of friendship masked as diamonds but when unveiled, reveals a dull, crooked, rough metal which leaves a foul stench that reeks of jealousy, envy, hatred, competition and lies. Amy has stood in the mirror on countless occasions speaking to her counter figure and wondering what about her attracts such sinister behaviour. How could she have missed those red flags for so long? And there, as she stands, battered and tired, Amy slowly recounts the tale, for it is only by doing this, can she heal. So the tale begins....................

They were both 15 years old, preparing for their final exams to exit high school. Afternoon stress relievers in the form of netball games got them sharing their hopes and plans and their excitement towards the future. "I bet I'll do better than you," she said one afternoon, to which Amy shrugged and said "I just want to do my best." Then came the constant, repetitive questions, which when answered by Amy, were always followed by a comparative and competitive response. If Amy said that school was fine, hers would be greater, if Amy said she got new shoes, her father would be getting her some new ones too, if Amy said she got an award, she got one last term as well. Any opportunity to cast a shadow on Amy's achievement was a welcoming victory for the other. Jealous!

Amy saw a friend but in the other's mind, she saw Amy's character as intimidating and so her insecurity fueled toxicity and competition and as a result, her every effort was to discredit Amy so that the limelight would forever be on her. Oh! How good she was though, at playing the kind, humble, good- natured, helpful soul. All lies..... Amy endured this sadist friendship for as long as she could to the point where Amy simply became tolerable of the other. The greatest indicator that she needed to pull away was that lack of confidentiality.  The other would listen so lovingly and considerately and not even a day would pass and the other's family would be aware of what Amy disclosed. Then there was always the seasoning and the spice to embellish the story so that once again Amy would seem so small and lowly as compared to her. Treachery!

Then came the scorned looks and rolling eyes every time Amy would speak, that Amy always pretending not to see. Then came the sneak attacks disguised as jokes and seemingly meaning well, when in fact they were meant to crush Amy's soul so that maybe a slight decrease in Amy's esteem could mean a jackpot in earnings for the other. Then came the shaming and belittling because blessings started pouring in quicker than the other expected and could be grateful for. Then came asking Amy subtly and indirectly to dislike people on the other's behalf and how dare Amy not agree. In the middle of all this disgust, at some point, Amy had to retreat. There is only so much that a human being can absorb. Bitterness!

Amy has accepted, however, that her greatest flaw was in failing to communicate how the other made her feel. To speak on it now, at this late stage, with the apparent lack of humility in the other, would only seem like an attempt to jab at the other's character because now the other's ego seems to have overtook all else. We are all humans who are flawed but this level of toxicity without acceptance and redirection and continued masking is frightening and abhorrent and so Amy cannot help it but to stay far away. Scorned!

There is no desire in Amy's heart to rekindle any broken bonds; in fact this reckoning was a prayer heard by God to release Amy from this disastrous grasp. And now the worst has happened. Amy made a mistake to the other's knowledge and this is the exact glorifying victory that the other had been searching for. There is something to now hold against Amy, something to remember to weigh against her character, lest Amy forgets. Truth be told though, that is the other's own prison. Absolute Release! 

Now comes healing!