The Things He Told Me

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Sitting alone, surrounded by ghostly white walls which felt like they were quickly closing in, Etta retreats into her mind once again. It was thronged in there as usual, and she fought a good fight to retrieve that memory.... the only one that made her feel alive. There he was, a proud and heavenly thing, standing in the outlying crevice of her mind, agog as ever.... of course, he knew his impetus, he gave her life. They lock gazes and he encapsulates Etta, causing her to shudder in her chair and bringing an onset of rumbling that only Etta and the walls could hear.

Memories flew like darts and in between sadness and joy Etta professed and confessed, with only the light breeze to capture the depth of what he meant to her and the cuts and bruises of the pain he dealt her. "You are so beautiful, Etta. I think I want this to last forever. You make me feel like who I have always desired, you make me feel seen." Etta sharply turned to the right as if to face his essence in the physical realm, but she is only responding to "him" who exists in her mind. "I want what you want too." says Etta slowly. "I cannot see myself with you, I think I have fallen in love with you. You represent everything I crave in a man, and I think with you, I could climb mountains." As she turned to the left again, to face him, who she thinks is there, she can hear him say, "I want us to have a family, I think that would bring me much joy. Let us travel the world someday, escape this horrible place. I will not leave you Etta, I cannot exist without you. She is not enough to hold my heart like you do. I can never forget you Etta, no matter what happens between us, I will always be there for you."

"Lies, lies, lies," shrieked Etta and the shrieks got more profound. She pounded her chest and started to wail because she knew he was about to leave that space in her mind to retreat to somewhere further, and darker, and lonelier...... then she would have to work thrice as hard to find him again. Just as he has done in real life, he left her, discarded her, forgot her! He came to shower her with memories every single day, but he never held an umbrella! Now soaked in regret and anger, she is defeated. "I hate you; I hate you, I hate you," Etta howled, and this time, her fingernails clawed alongside her twisted face. Trailing down, she grabbed her shirt and began to tear the fabric, cursing his name. She gave him everything, more than she ever gave herself! In exchange she got a fragile mind, an incurable and profusely bleeding heart and a room at a mental institution. Well, thank you, bastard, thank you indeed!

Her psychiatric team rushed to her aid and by then Etta was locked in a trance. "The things he told me, the things he told me, I do not want to remember the things he told me," she bitterly whispered through dark tears. As the nurse patched up Etta's self- inflicting bruises, and as the physician administered her medication, Etta convulsed, heaved and then relaxed. With stone cold eyes, she peered into the abyss of the white wall and said breathlessly, "love is a wicked thing when not done right. The things he told me will one day kill me." Etta shut down into oblivion.

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