You and Only You

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I wanted to go where you went, but I realized that I could not. I wanted to sit in your heart and count the beats, but I felt that I would be the one bleeding instead. I desired to walk alongside you but something nudged and whispered that our journeys would not last. Yes, we were meant to walk together until some point but that was really as far as it could go. I wanted to walk with you forever but when I thought you were still holding my hand, you had eagerly let me go. My path became dim and my purpose unclear but still in the darkness, I searched for you. Your scent, however, lingered no more.

I followed your trail of lies until I realized that I was becoming a lie myself, straying farther and further away from myself to keep you lifted up. Dissipated, I was now transparent. At my expense, I was your pedestal. But....my goodness, were you heavy...and while I sank, you hopped and jumped, further plundering me into oblivion. I wanted to travel the globe with you, but your world rotated too quickly, for when you were night, I was day. I wanted to wait for you, but you were time zones ahead and I had no choice but to lag behind.

I wanted your love, so I lost my self- love and inconceivably watched you pour all of yours into someone else. I craved to be one with you, locked into purpose and a mission but you had always been a nomad, with wandering eyes that perceived further than I could have ever seen. You walked ahead of me, casting a blinding shadow that blocked out rays of hope......yet I clutched. To what exactly? It is now 'today', and I still do not know.

I made you my oxygen and now I cannot breathe. Just an air of pollution where I traversed without a mask, suffocation loomed. Maybe I needed to experience the death of my imbecilic cells, maybe I had to get hurt to respect the truth. Maybe I had to get entangled in the embrace of a giant red flag and tango with it a little until I learned how harshly you dance.

I wanted you and only you..................but in wanting you, I had to let you go.

 

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